Why Christmas can feel so hard — and what your script has to do with it

By Oasis Therapy, Uckfield & Online UK-Wide

Christmas is meant to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” right? Twinkly lights… cosy jumpers… slow mornings… joyful family scenes straight out of a supermarket advert.

If that’s genuinely your December experience, that’s beautiful — hold it close.

But for many of us (more than you’d think), the run-up to Christmas comes with an entirely different soundtrack:

• pressure

• overwhelm

• emotional whiplash

• family dynamics on steroids

• an inner critic that gets VERY chatty

• and that weird sense that you’ve “slipped back” into old patterns you thought you’d outgrown

If that’s you? You’re not weak. You’re not going backwards. You’re human.

Let’s talk about why this season hits so differently, and how to look after yourself through it.

The speed of December — why everything ramps up

Something happens the moment December arrives: the world sprints.

There’s:

🎁 Shopping

🍗 Food planning

👨‍👩‍👦 Family logistics

🎉 Work socials

🧾 Money pressure

🎄 The expectation to be festive and grateful (even if you’re exhausted)

And while you’re juggling all this, your nervous system quietly goes, “Ah. This feels familiar…”

Which brings us to script.

“Springing back into script” — what does that actually mean?

In Transactional Analysis (TA), script is the unconscious life plan we wrote as children: a set of patterned beliefs, roles and emotional responses we learned to survive our early world.

Script tends to show up when we feel:

• overwhelmed

• stressed

• unsafe

• small

• or pulled into old relational dynamics

Christmas presses all those buttons. fast. Often repeatedly. So it totally makes sense that old patterns reactivate.

You might notice:

• People-pleasing is creeping back in

• Trying to make everything “perfect”

• Becoming the emotional caretaker

• Slipping into old family roles

• Feeling guilty for needing space

• Overthinking, overstretching, overspending

• Feeling younger inside than you actually are

• Feeling anxious about disappointing someone

You haven’t regressed. You’ve just been triggered by context. It happens to every nervous system.

Why Christmas pulls on your old relational wounds

Christmas is basically a masterclass in emotional activation.

1. Family-of-origin proximity

Even in loving families, old dynamics can resurface in seconds.

2. Expectation vs reality

We all carry unconscious fantasies — or pains — about what Christmas “should” look like.

3. Cultural pressure to be happy

Nothing sends feelings underground faster than being told to feel joyful.

4. Sensory overload

Noise, crowds, socialising, bright lights. If you’re neurodivergent, this is amplified.

5. Grief, loss and loneliness

Christmas magnifies absences: who’s not there, what’s changed, what hurt us.

It’s not just a season. It’s a mirror.

How to stay grounded (and more you) this Christmas

1. Check in with your Adult

Pause and ask: “Is this me… or an old role?”

That single question shifts everything.

2. Give yourself permission

To rest.To say no. To not orchestrate the perfect holiday for everyone else. To be human.

3. Lower the bar — intentionally

You don’t need a cinematic Christmas. You just need a compassionate one.

4. Make space for the full emotional spectrum

Joy, sadness, guilt, irritation, grief — all valid.

5. Create tiny sanctuaries

A walk. A closed door. Five minutes outside. A predictable morning routine.

Anything that brings your nervous system back down.

6. Honour neurodivergent needs

Routine. Quiet time. Headphones. Selective social plans. Predictable food.

It’s not “being difficult.”It’s self-support.

You’re not meant to get through Christmas on willpower alone

At Oasis Therapy, I support many adults who find this season tough. Not because they’re “failing at Christmas,” but because this time of year touches deep places.

If you’d like to start the New Year with support, reflection, stability or a space that’s truly yours, you’re welcome to reach out now and join my New Year waiting list.

You don’t have to start 2026 in survival mode.